Sexual orientation means how you are attracted romantically and sexually to other people. There are different kinds of sexual orientation. A person can be:
Heterosexual—attracted only or almost only to the other gender.
Homosexual (gay or lesbian)—attracted only or almost only to the same gender.
Bisexual—attracted to both men and women, though not necessarily as strongly or at the same time.
Asexual—not attracted to either gender. This is different from deciding not to have sex with anyone (abstinence or celibacy).
Scientists can't say yet why a person is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or heterosexual. Most people feel that their sexual orientation is not a matter of choice: it's just part of who they are.
Many people discover more about this part of themselves over time. For example, some girls and boys date heterosexually in high school then find later on that they are really more comfortable, romantically and sexually, with members of their own gender.
You may hear many different words and phrases about homosexuality and sexual orientation. Here are some definitions:
Ally: A heterosexual person who fully accepts and supports his or her LGBT friends or family members. An ally recognizes the equality of people of all sexual orientations and gender identities.
Bi: A short, informal way of saying "bisexual."
Gay: A man who is homosexual. "Gay" is sometimes used to refer to both men and women who are homosexual.
Gender identity: Your internal sense of whether you are male or female. This may not be the same as your physical sex.
In the closet: A person who realizes that she or he is gay and keeps this a secret is "in the closet" or "closeted."
Lesbian: A woman who is homosexual.
LGBT: Popular shorthand for "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender." Often seen as "GLBT." Sometimes a "Q" is added (LGBTQ), for "queer" or "questioning." A person who is "questioning" is one who isn't sure about his or her sexual orientation or gender identity.
Queer: A word meaning "not heterosexual." Some gay people are offended by the word. But many people have reclaimed the word as a way of saying that they are open about their sexual orientation.
Transgender: People who don't feel that their gender identity fully "matches" their physical sex or other body characteristics, or who feel different from most other people of their physical sex in some significant way, sometimes call themselves transgender. This is a very general term. There are many ways to be transgender.
Transsexual: People who use medical treatments, such as hormone medicine or surgery, to make their bodies match their gender identity.
Many people first become aware of their orientation during the preteen and teen years. For example, a heterosexual man may have first experienced romantic feelings when he was in early puberty, having a crush on a girl in his class. And many gay and lesbian people were first attracted to members of their own gender during these early years.
During the teen years, same-sex "crushes" are common. Some teens may experiment sexually with someone of their own sex. But these early experiences don't necessarily mean a teen will be gay as an adult.
For some teens, though, same-sex attractions do not fade. They grow stronger.
Remember: You're not alone
The pressure and stress caused by feeling alone and sad can lead to depression, a very serious problem. Depression can lead to suicide. Teens with depression are at particularly high risk for suicide and suicide attempts.
If you are gay, it's important to realize that there are lots of people just like you. They have the same problems, emotions, and questions that you have, whether you have made your homosexuality known or are still hiding the fact that you are gay.
It can be very comforting and helpful to talk to people who know what you're going through. You can find such people through local or online groups. If you don't know where to find support, ask:
Your school counselor or trusted teacher.
A therapist or other counselor.
LGBT friends or relatives.
LGBT clubs and organizations in your community.
Churches that welcome LGBT members.
Websites and online organizations. You can find a list of such organizations on the website for PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) at www.pflag.org.
Why is it important to understand stress and know how to cope with it?
Stress is a fact of life. Most of us have periods of stress at various times in our lives. But extra stress can have a serious effect on your health, especially if it lasts for a long time.
People who are still keeping their sexual orientation a secret may be worried about being found out and about what might happen if others knew. It can be very stressful to have to hide a big secret, especially one about who you really are. Rejection, discrimination, fear, and confusion cause long-term stress in many gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people.
Constant stress can be linked to headaches, an upset stomach, back pain, and
trouble sleeping. It can weaken your
immune system, so that you have a harder time fighting off disease.
If you already have a health problem, stress may make it worse. It can make you
moody, tense, or depressed. Your relationships may suffer. And you may not do
well at work or school.
People who are under long-term stress are also more likely to smoke tobacco, drink alcohol heavily, and use other drugs. These habits can lead to serious health problems.
It's important to recognize the effects that stress can have on your life and to learn how to cope with stress to stay healthy. For more information, see the topic Stress Management.
Other Places To Get Help
American Psychological Association
750 First Street NE
Washington, DC 20002-4242
1-800-374-2721 (202) 336-5500
The American Psychological Association provides
information and brochures on a number of topics, including stress, anxiety, and
depression. Visit www.apa.org/helpcenter for information on the
mind/body connection, family and relationships, and how therapy works.
Family Equality Council
P.O. Box 206
Boston, MA 02133
Family Equality Council works to ensure equality for families with gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender members. Parenting protections, adoption, health insurance reform, safe schools, and workplace equality are some of the many issues the organization works on. Its website includes news updates and resources for families.
GLBT National Help Center
2261 Market Street, PMB 296
San Francisco, CA 94114
(415) 355-0003 office
1-888-843-4564 national hotline
1-800-246-7743 youth talkline
The GLBT National Help Center provides free and confidential support for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people and for those with questions about sexual orientation and/or gender identity. The organization offers information about GLBT issues, safer-sex info, and local resources for cities and towns across the country, as well as peer counseling for people going through a difficult time.
Healthy Minds. Healthy Lives.American Psychiatric Association
Arlington, VA 22209
This online resource is provided by the American Psychiatric Association for anyone seeking mental health information. It includes information on many common mental health concerns, including warning signs of mental disorders, treatment options, and preventive measures.
PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)
1828 L Street NW
Washington, DC 20036
PFLAG is a support, education, and advocacy organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people and their families, friends, and allies. PFLAG is a nonprofit organization and is not affiliated with any religious or political institutions. On the website you can find information about local chapters, advocacy issues, and more.
American Psychological Association (2008). Answers to Your Questions: For a Better Understanding of Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. Available online: http://www.apa.org/topics/sexuality/orientation.aspx.
APA Committee on Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Concerns (2011). Answers to Your Questions About Transgender Individuals and Gender Identity. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. Available online: http://www.apa.org/topics/sexuality/transgender.aspx.
Biggs WS (2011). Medical human sexuality. In RE Rakel, DP Rakel, eds., Textbook of Family Medicine, 8th ed., pp. 1000–1012. Philadelphia: Saunders.
Eliason MJ, et al. (2009). LGBTQ Cultures: What Health Care Professionals Need to Know About Sexual and Gender Diversity. Philadelphia: Lippincott Williams and Wilkins. Available online: http://www.nursingcenter.com/upload/Journals/Documents/LGBTQ.htm.
Hillman JB, Spigarelli MG (2009). Sexuality: Its development and direction. In WB Carey et al., eds., Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrics, 4th ed., pp. 415–425. Philadelphia: Saunders Elsevier.
Sadock VA (2009). Normal human sexuality and sexual and gender identity disorders. In BJ Sadock et al., eds., Kaplan and Sadock’s Comprehensive Textbook of Psychiatry, 9th ed., vol. 1, pp. 2027–2060. Philadelphia: Lippincott Williams and Wilkins.
Zucker KJ (2011). Gender identity and sexual behavior. In CD Rudolph et al., eds., Rudolph's Pediatrics, 22nd ed., pp. 346–348. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Primary Medical Reviewer
Adam Husney, MD - Family Medicine
Specialist Medical Reviewer
A. Evan Eyler, MD, MPH - Family Medicine, Psychiatry
How this information was developed to help you make better health decisions.